The 5 Distinct Phases of Confidence (in my experience)
CONFIDENCE: The thing I love most about this seduction game is that it radically deepens you as a person.
Among all the areas of growth, the most acute change I notice in my students is their shift in confidence. Over the years I’ve observed 5 distinct changes that men go through when they take their game to the next level.
1) The Change From “Forced Confidence” to “Natural Confidence.”
When you first get confidence you almost want to force it on people; like you need to tell the world: “Check me out, I’m confident!!!”
That’s a great start, but you’ll notice that state is dependent on the reaction of others. When you’re at this place, you don’t really believe that you’re confident, and you’re looking for the validation of others to tell you it’s true. In other words, your confidence is outcome dependent.
Eventually that feeling evolves into non-attachment to outcome. You can get rejected by 10 girls straight, and it won’t really affect you. Your confidence is from within, because the way you talk to yourself has more power over you than all the negative outside voices. That’s when forced confidence evolves into natural confidence.
2) The Letting go of EGO
Imagine talking to somebody and they start educating you on something you already know a lot about. Would you be uncomfortable just letting them talk? Be honest. What is it about you that needs to feel “right?”
When you settle in to deep, true confidence, your ego no longer depends on feeling right, or showing other people that you know more than they do. Arrogance needs to prove itself, self-esteem has nothing to prove. It comes from within, and being “better than others” is no longer the benchmark with which you measure yourself.
3) Acceptance of Who You Are
I’ve always been insecure about my belly. I’m a skinny guy, but I have the tendency to get belly fat, and for years I would suck in my stomach because I didn’t want girls to see it.
Most guys have some similar type of insecurity, and the absolute hardest part of getting true confidence is accepting those things you hate about yourself. Ironically, when it comes to women, we try to manage little things about how we look and act in order to imitate a preconceived notion of what is “attractive,” but what is most attractive is complete acceptance of yourself and an ease in your skin.
Now, I’m not saying it’s not OK to strive to better yourself, but even if you get the perfect body, or lose 200 pounds, or make a million dollars, or whatever it is you’re striving for, if you can’t accept yourself now, you won’t accept yourself once you change. The mind/Ego is never satisfied, so the problem isn’t what you think you need to change, the problem is the mind itself.
And therein lays the first step: DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
When you reach that level you strive for goals because it’s your nature to expand. You set goals for the adventure of it all, not for the promise of fulfillment. Because really, the only way to achieve fulfillment is uncompromising acceptance of who you are RIGHT NOW. If you can’t do it now, you never will…
4) Non-Judgment of Others
When you get into this game it’s easy to see the ego and insecurities of others. It’s even easier to judge them, and make fun of them to make yourself feel “above” them. But when you start to accept yourself, you start to accept others as well. And when you TRULY accept yourself, you can actually have compassion for others (compassion means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes). You realize that everyone is suffering to some extent because of their desires and aversions.
But when you get to true confidence, you realize that “douches,” “haters,” and “complainers” are people just like you, and they’re doing the best they can with what they “think” will bring them happiness (even haters have a subconscious belief that their hatred will eventually cause the result they’re looking for, and in turn bring them happiness).
5) You Become Like a Child Again- Completely Genuine
Think of a 3 year old talking to a stranger. There’s no self-monitoring, there’s no trying, he is who he is and he doesn’t give a shit about what people think of him.
We all had that once, but through years of conditioning, our natural self-esteem and confidence got “broken.” Fortunately, this game can give that back to you, and every man that is TRULY CONFIDENT has a childlike quality to him.
He is who he is, there’s no self-monitoring, there’s no insecure body language, he’s relaxed in his skin and he’s 100% genuine. Think of the people you REALLY respect in this niche. I’m willing to bet they have that quality about them, too.
This is a sample of the some the depths we go to in the “Inner Game” section of the Instant Attraction Video Mastery Course.
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